queer since 1973

I haven’t written all summer…I just got a laptop, and I may not even get to keep it if I can’t come up with next week’s payment. I went to another interview today, which was another waste of time.

I don’t even want to be in Austin anymore. I really just want to get some cash and buy a cheap RV and just go someplace else. I would start dancing again if I could lose some weight.

My ex wrote me today and let me know he was sending my mail to me. I miss him so much.

I’m at the library now, waiting for the Capital City Young Democrats meeting to start. I went to HEB today and bought stuff for fajitas to make tomorrow.

I went today to interview for a State job and the HR director told me that “he didn’t want to waste my time”. What a crock.

I am depressed again.

I’m at the library now, waiting for my food stamp/Medicaid appointment. It’s raining outside, which sucks, even though we need the rain.

I am thinking about going to a job fair tomorrow sponsored by the Worksource. I am feeling better since I have been taking Seroquel and since I have been attending MCC Austin Also, I have gotten into politics again since I attended the Texas Young Democrats convention, and that makes me feel like I am contributing positively to society.

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

by Portia Nelson
I. I walk down the street. There’s a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost…..I am helpless; it isn’t my fault.It takes forever to find a way out.

II. I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don’t see it. I fall in again. I can’t believe I am in the same place; but it isn’t my fault.It still takes a long time to get out.

III. I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall in….it’s a habit. My eyes are open. I know where I am.It is my fault. I get out immediately.

IV. I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.

V. I walk down a different street.

Bill and I broke up last week.  It was all my fault.  I couldn’t find a job in Houston, and I committed a BIG lie of omission.  I didn’t tell Bill about the last year of my life and how horrible it was, how I lost everything.  I wanted to tell him—it was EATING at me.  I wanted to be with Bill for a long time.  Anyway, after we split up, he found out all of my dark, terrible secrets from a friend of his that I spilled the beans to during an inebriated state.  I hated hiding the shit from Bill, but how can you tell someone something horrible happened without being afraid that they will reject you?

I miss Bill.  He was the most awesome man on the face of the Earth, and there is no one like him.  I will always love him, no matter what.  Maybe someday we can really be friends.