Bi. Queer. Femme.
17 Oct 2010 Leave a Comment
Bi. Queer. Femme.
I first knew that I was different when I was three, when my parents told me that I was adopted. I grew up believing I was special, but I never really fit in with any group. When I was a child, I had Barbie dolls, but they were a butch/femme couple, and Ken was irrelevant. I played with Star Wars toys and listened to the Village People and the Bee Gees, but so did most 5 year olds. I didn’t think it was weird that the only guys I liked were Andy Gibb and John Travolta, or that I had a bad crush on Olivia Newton-John.
I always had a posse of girls hanging around me because I was the “smart girl.” I never had any problems until the fourth grade, when Gwendolyn kissed me on the swing set at recess. I realized that I really liked her. I made the mistake of telling someone, and then the whole school found out. That began several years of being called a lesbian, and my circle of friends became smaller.
In my junior year of high school I met a girl named Lydia. We dated for two years off and on, until college. At the end of junior year I started liking guys, and at the end of the summer I met my first boyfriend Robert. He had dated Gwendolyn, who at that point was out as bisexual. I came out soon after.
When I went to college, I discovered the gayborhood, and became active in LGBT causes. At first, I didn’t change my image from the straight girl look that I rocked previously. However, upon moving to Austin, the lesbians I met didn’t want to associate with me unless I renounced my femme-ness and embraced androgyny. I did this for a while, trading my heels for Birkenstocks, and cutting off my hair, but after a couple of years, I was unhappy. I discovered that there was a femme history in the lesbian community before the lesbian feminist movement, so I researched it. I thought I was the only one.
I became active in the bisexual community in 1994. I was the first coordinator for the Bisexual Youth Initiative and appeared on television and radio.
I met a bisexual man at a bi support group in 1995 and gave birth to my daughter in 1996. I became involved in LGBT parenting and low-income issues.
I came out as femme in 2008 when I discovered the Femme Mafia, a network of self-identified femmes and I went to Femme Camp. I grew my hair, I started wearing more makeup, and I embraced Tinkerbell, Hello Kitty, and the color pink. It was so refreshing to know that I am not alone in my queer femininity.
I feel that the LGBT community adopted me in a way that my parents never did, and that I belong in it. It is the family that I always wanted.
